Wednesday, May 19, 2010

James Stockdale, and what we learned from our Parenting Seminar

Dear Sherwood Community:

This post is offered as a teaching/encouragement message as we reflect upon our Parenting Seminar this past weekend.

People often asked James Stockdale how he survived as the highest-ranking prisoner at the infamous Hanoi Hilton POW camp during the Vietnam war. His reply has come to be called “The Stockdale Paradox.”

“This is a very important lesson," he told Jim Collins circa 2000. "You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end—which you can never lose—with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.”

As church planters (and if you are a member at SCCOC, then you are all church planters), we must do the same two things, and (actually) add a third and a fourth:

  1. Be realistic about the difficult and challenging realities of our situation, and at the same time…
  2. Never lose faith that we will succeed
  3. Celebrate everything we attempt (and those who made the attempt), even if it did not reap the results hoped for.
  4. Always look for the “take-aways” in every situation.
  • Take every lesson we can from everything we try
  • Trust that good came out of our efforts, even when the tangibles are not so obvious.
So let’s take these one at a time…

“Be realistic about the difficult and challenging realities of our situation.”

We advertised in a variety of ways and had about ten guest families we were expecting. The sun came out and…none of those community guests showed up. This was a bummer, no question about it.

“Never lose faith that we will succeed.”

The fact is, our church is growing! It is growing because we are real-and-loving people who love people for real! That growth is natural growth from our authentic, genuine friendships. And that is a fun and caring and personal way to grow.

“Events” like the Parenting Seminar are not really “programs” to us. They are our attempt to be in touch with yet more people whom we can befriend genuinely. And here is what we need to remember about “events:” Big events have a cumulative effect. Even though those ten families didn’t make it, they represent perhaps 100 families who are aware that they were just offered a valuable gift by this church. And they appreciate it. And they won’t forget.

“Celebrate everything we attempt (and those who made the attempt), even if it did not reap the results hoped for.”

In our growing fellowship, we celebrate that we tried, and tried creatively, and tried together to make something happen that would serve and bless and benefit people in a positive and meaningful way. God is watching, and God has “banked it.” He has blessings in store. And we have some great material available on our website for parents to download! This seminar is the gift that keeps on giving!

Some of the people who stepped up and volunteered did so for the first time! That is HUGE! Others who needed to set healthy boundaries and NOT attend, stayed away. That is healthy and I am proud of them.

Always look for the “take-aways” in every situation.
Take every lesson we can from everything we try

What did we learn? You may have a few things to add, but…

• We (those able to attend) learned a lot of great information about building healthy families!
• We learned a lot about working together to get things done—and done well!
• We learned how to use radio, and newspapers to get the word out, and found a school district very willing to assist us in doing so! Additionally, this situation got the attention to the founding editor of Christian News Northwest with an offer to help us get the word out next time!
• We learned how to put packets together for future guests. I want to explore how we can build on that foundation with a packet to hand out to guests every Sunday morning!
• We learned a lot about our unity and our comfort level. I am speaking of the fun many of you had Friday evening participating together in Susan’s exercises. I saw signs of growth here and was very encouraged!

Trust that good came out of our efforts, even when the tangibles are not so obvious.

Hey, look! We have already done this! And we will continue to do this. Keep looking and keep praying! There may be more tangibles ahead that have not yet surfaced.

Thankful for each and all of you,

Wilson

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